so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
