Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
