So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
