Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
