Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
