it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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