used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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