your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Randomize
