More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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