I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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