If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
