Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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