How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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