i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
