So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My pussy is not your playground.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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