I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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