i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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