Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
