Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
