I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You ate ashes out of my bong
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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