He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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