i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
