Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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