he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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