I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Did I show you my penis last night?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
