Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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