I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My penis needs a shock collar
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
