This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize