how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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