I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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