his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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