Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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