my mouth tastes like poor choices
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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