I wish I could teleport
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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