I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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