she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
