Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
pray to the hookup gods
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
