He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
