I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
