My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
