the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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