You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
