why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
