You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
