The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
