i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
