Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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