never play flip cup with pint glasses
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
