Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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