Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Green mimosas i think yes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
