brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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