Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
