1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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